What Is Stimming, Really? Let’s Talk About It Without Judgement

If you’ve ever seen a child flap their hands, rock back and forth, hum under their breath, or spin in circles until they fall over giggling - you’ve witnessed stimming. And if your first thought was, “That looks a bit odd…” - you’re not alone. But let’s unpack that, because stimming isn’t weird, wrong, or something to be fixed.

As a mum of three neurodivergent kids, I’ve come to understand stimming as a beautiful, important part of how some people regulate themselves in a world that can be, frankly, overwhelming.

So… What Exactly Is Stimming?

"Stimming" is short for self-stimulatory behaviour. It’s any repetitive action that helps regulate emotions, sensations, or energy levels. It can be movement, sound, touch - anything really.

Some examples:

• Rocking or bouncing
• Tapping fingers or feet
• Spinning or swinging
• Humming, echolalia (repeating words or phrases)
• Chewing, biting, or rubbing textures
• Flapping hands, clicking pens, hair twirling

Everyone stims in some way - yes, even you! Ever jiggled your leg when nervous? Twirled your hair when thinking? Clicked a pen during a long meeting? Yep. That’s stimming too.

Why Do People Stim?

For many neurodivergent people, especially autistic and ADHD individuals, stimming serves a real purpose. It’s not just a quirky habit. It helps:

• Self-soothe during stress or anxiety
• Regulate sensory input
• Express excitement or emotion
• Stay focused or grounded
• Feel comfort and familiarity

One of my kids used to flap and bounce when he got excited – it was so cute and joyful. Another hums quietly to tune out overwhelming noise. The third chews on everything because that oral input helps him concentrate.

Stimming is how their bodies and brains work together to feel safe, calm, and in control. Why would we want to take that away?

“Should I Be Worried About It?”

Here’s the big one parents ask me: “Is it bad?”

Short answer: No.

Longer answer: Only if it’s harming the person or others. If your child is hurting themselves or doing something unsafe, of course you want to intervene gently and find safer alternatives. But if it’s not causing harm - let them stim!

The goal isn’t to “stop” stimming. The goal is to understand it.

Let’s Bust a Few Myths While We’re Here

Myth: Stimming means something’s wrong.
Nope, not always. Stimming can mean someone is stressed, yes - but it can also mean they’re excited, focused, or happy. It’s not a red flag. It’s a regulation tool.

Myth: It’s attention-seeking.
Quite the opposite. Many people stim because they’re trying to cope quietly and manage on their own.

Myth: We need to teach kids to stop stimming to “fit in.”
Why should being palatable to others come at the cost of feeling comfortable in your own skin? Let’s teach the world to be more accepting, not our kids to mask who they are.

How You Can Support a Stimming Child

1. Don’t shame or punish it.
   Even if it looks odd to others, it’s not wrong.
2. Be curious, not critical.
   Ask yourself what the stim is doing for your child. Is it calming? Is it helping them focus?
3. Offer safe alternatives if needed.
   Chewelry instead of shirt sleeves. Stress balls instead of hair pulling. Movement breaks instead of chair spinning.
4. Advocate for acceptance.
   Teach others (family, teachers, peers) that stimming is a normal, valid behaviour.

Final Thoughts From a Mum Who Gets It

Stimming is part of our everyday life. It’s in our home, in our car, in every waiting room, classroom, and shopping centre meltdown we’ve survived. It’s a language my boys speak - one that says, “This is hard,” or “I’m excited,” or “This is how I feel safe right now.”

So let’s drop the judgement. Let’s normalise it. Let’s see it for what it really is: self regulation in disguise.

Because stimming isn’t the problem - misunderstanding it is.

With love and wobbly chairs,
Jody
Neurodivergent mum of three, founder of Sensory Oasis for Kids