National Carers Week - To The Carer Who Also Needs Care

Each October, Australia shines a spotlight on carers - those quiet heroes who give without asking much back. National Carers Week reminds us there are over 3 million Australians providing unpaid care.

But what about the carer who also needs care? The neurodivergent parent of neurodivergent children? That’s my world. And in this week of recognition, I want to share what it’s like - messy, exhausting, heartbreaking - and also fiercely loving.

The weight of dual responsibility

As a neurodivergent mother of three ND kids, I live in a constant cycle of giving. I manage sensory meltdowns, school meetings, therapy appointments, emotional regulation, and everyday chaos. But under that, there’s also me carrying my own sensory needs, emotional load, and the fatigue of masking, of pushing, of trying to be both anchor and storm.

Caring for kids with high support needs isn’t just physical labour - it’s mental, emotional, neurological labour. It’s making 100 small decisions a day. It’s reading bodies when words don’t work. It’s walking with one foot on your child’s path, the other trying to steady yourself.

The invisible scars of overextension

Some mornings I wake, spoon count near zero. I still turn around and put on strength - coffee, calm voice, masks of composure. And yet the cracks are there. Panic that I’m failing. Frustration that I can’t do more. Guilt when I snap. Sadness when I collapse late at night.

Because I care so deeply, I also burn deeply.

I’ve watched systems call my child “refuser” or “avoidant” when really their nervous system is shouting “I can’t today.” I’ve sat in meetings where people spoke about supports in theory, while I was trying to keep my child safe that very minute. The tension of having to advocate, explain, defend - it doesn’t end.

National Carers Week: What I Hope People See

This week isn’t just for others to thank carers. It’s for carers to be seen. To be allowed to say:

I’m tired.

I struggle too.

I need help.

I can’t always show up the way I want.

Because care isn’t just one direction. Even as we carry so much, we deserve moments of gentleness, rest, kindness, acknowledgement.

Carers Week encourages us to “check in, offer a break, acknowledge and appreciate, initiate support, encourage self-care.” These are simple words, but for someone like me, they’re lifelines.

When someone says, “Do you need a break? Let me help,” it’s more than gesture. It’s validation that I matter behind the care I give.

How I Try to Care for Myself (Yes, I Try)

Whispering small self-checks: How many spoons have I got?

Mini-regulation breaks (a few deep breaths, a quick walk, a sensory tool for me)

Saying “no” when my limit is real

Storing safe spaces in my home - quiet corners, dim lights, comfy spots

Asking for help - even when it’s hard

Letting some goals slip - because perfection is an unachievable luxury

If I can model rest, boundaries, imperfect humanity to my kids, maybe that’s as important as any therapy can provide them.

To myself, and to all carers silent in their struggle:

You are not alone.
You are not failing.
You are giving everything because you love.
But love doesn’t demand martyrdom.

If the world is going to expect you to care, it must also learn to care for you.

This National Carers Week, we don’t need applause. We need understanding. We need space. We need permission to be human.

With deep respect to every carer out there - especially those caring while struggling - your life matters, your rest matters, your care matters.

Jody x
Neurodivergent mum & carer of neurodivergent kids

For more information and resources, visit https://carersweek.com.au/