Waiting Mode - The Neurodivergent Art of Doing Absolutely Nothing Before an Appointment

You know that thing where you have an appointment at 3pm…

…and suddenly the entire day is unusable?

You can’t start anything.

You can’t relax properly.

You can’t go anywhere.

You can’t begin a task that might take more than 11 minutes because obviously that would be reckless.

So instead, you spend six hours doing absolutely nothing while being intensely aware that at some point in the distant future you have to leave the house.

Welcome to Waiting Mode.

Population: a lot of us.

“But Your Appointment Isn’t Until This Afternoon…”

Correct. That is irrelevant. My brain knows there is A Thing later. Therefore, the entire day has now been emotionally booked out.

Could I technically do the washing?

Yes.

Could I answer emails?

Probably.

Could I start cleaning the kitchen?

Absolutely not. What if I get too involved and suddenly it’s 2:47pm?

We simply cannot take that risk.

The Appointment Becomes the Main Character

Once an appointment exists in my calendar, everything starts orbiting around it.

10:00am:
Plenty of time.

10:05am:
Should probably check what time I need to leave.

10:08am:
Checks again.

10:30am:
Maybe I should shower now.

11:15am:
Still thinking about showering.

12:00pm:
Too early to get ready.

12:30pm:
Suddenly feels dangerously late.

And somehow, despite thinking about the appointment for six straight hours…

I can still end up rushing.

Make it make sense.

Why Does This Happen?

This experience is often described online as waiting mode, and it can be especially relatable for neurodivergent people.

A few things can be happening at once.

Time Blindness

For many ADHD brains, time doesn’t always feel like a smooth, predictable thing.

Instead, time can feel more like:

NOW

and

NOT NOW.

An appointment later today technically belongs in “not now”… but because it has a deadline attached to it, the brain refuses to completely let go of it.

So it just sits there. Hovering. Menacingly.

Task Switching Can Be Hard

Starting one task means eventually having to stop it. And stopping a task can be surprisingly difficult, especially if you finally manage to get into a good flow.

So sometimes the brain takes the safer option:

Don’t start anything.

Problem solved.

Well…

Not really.

But technically, yes.

Executive Function Joins the Party

Before an appointment, there are usually a surprising number of little steps:

• remember the appointment
• remember when to leave
• work out travel time
• shower
• get dressed
• find shoes
• find keys
• remember what you’re supposed to bring
• potentially interact with humans

Each one is tiny. Together? Suddenly we’re planning an expedition to Everest. That looming collection of steps can make it difficult to focus on anything else.

And Then There’s Anxiety

Even if the appointment itself isn’t stressful, there can still be uncertainty.

Will I be late?

Will there be parking?

Will I have to make small talk?

Did I remember everything?

What if they ask me a question I wasn’t expecting?

For an anxious or neurodivergent nervous system, the upcoming appointment can quietly occupy background processing all day. Basically, one of those 47 mental tabs is permanently flashing:

APPOINTMENT AT 3PM. DO NOT FORGET.

The Ridiculous Part?

Sometimes I spend the entire morning refusing to start anything because I have an appointment later. Then after the appointment? Nothing gets done either. Because obviously now I need to recover from having an appointment.

So one 45-minute commitment has somehow consumed an entire day.

Efficient? No. Impressive? Honestly, a little.

Things That Can Help

I’m not going to pretend I’ve cracked the code, because if I had, I would probably be writing this from my perfectly organised home with an empty inbox. I am not. But a few things can make Waiting Mode easier.

Put the Leaving Time in Your Calendar

Not just:

Appointment – 3pm

Try:

START GETTING READY – 1:45pm

LEAVE HOUSE – 2:20pm

My brain handles instructions much better when I remove the maths.

Pick One “Safe” Task

Instead of thinking you should be productive for six hours, choose something small that can easily be stopped. Fold some washing. Answer one email. Unload the dishwasher.

Nothing involving power tools, a cupboard renovation or suddenly deciding to reorganise the entire garage. Know your limits.

Prepare the Night Before

• Bag packed.
• Clothes ready.
• Paperwork found.
• Keys in a place where they theoretically cannot disappear.

Reducing the number of decisions on appointment day can make the whole thing feel less enormous.

And Sometimes… Just Accept It

This has probably been the biggest lesson for me. Instead of spending the whole morning doing nothing and then feeling guilty about doing nothing, sometimes I simply accept:

Today has an appointment in it. My capacity is different today.

That little bit of self-compassion removes an amazing amount of unnecessary stress.

Final Thoughts

Waiting Mode is one of those neurodivergent experiences that sounds ridiculous until you experience it. “How can one appointment ruin an entire day?”

I don’t know, Susan. But somehow it can. Our brains aren’t deliberately wasting time. They’re trying to manage time, transitions, executive functioning, uncertainty and memory all at once.

And occasionally the solution they come up with is:

Sit very still and think about 3pm until 3pm arrives.

Could there be a better system? Probably. Will I discover it before my next appointment? Unclear.

Anyway, I can’t think about that now. I’ve got something on at 2:30 tomorrow.

With love, an unnecessarily cleared calendar, and three alarms set,

Jody